Back again....

...in that place where it seems like this will never happen for us.  I had my beta this morning and although I haven't gotten the results, I'm 99% sure it's negative.  I started cramping on Monday, caved in and tested Monday evening and Tuesday morning (both negative) and my temp dropped this morning.  My RN said they would call before 1:00 this afternoon.  

The worst part of this is that for those first 1.5 - 2 years that we were trying, I was convinced it was me.  Then we found out that our problems lies on his end.  Now with two failed FETs and one failed IUI, it's me again.  My body is the one that isn't working.  I wonder if it would be better to know that it never would than to keep hoping that our outcome would change?  

Nursing school pinning is this evening and I'm going to try and focus on the success of that rather than the failure of this.  I just wish I new The Plan...